Migrating for Spring

Attention all minions, followers, elusive hackers, and Auntie Melanie: please direct all your attention and eyes toward the latest reincarnation of this online collection of ideas.

Due to the overwhelming support of you, the reader, be you bot or not, we have now garnered the attention of Mr. Gardner and of the kind folks at Virginia Living dot com.
We kindly request you read us at virginialiving.com today for a meat pie on Tuesday.

The progression of (a single) Single-Use Technology, and (mostly) the epic digression that illustrates its dangers.

The Progression

Single-use Technology, and its sister field, the marketing of its products, is here… to stay? Yes, until the pool of natural resources drains enough to reveal the nakedness of those splashing about in it. For it is often only when one looks like an idiot for continuing a course of action that he seeks another. Should it stay? Shouldn’t it? These questions will not be answered or even argued here, at least not in any broad sense. I must be clear that the following is not to be taken into that larger context of ecological conservation: This is to be a focused attack on a single incarnation of Single-use Technology. I aim to deconstruct a marketing concept so terribly “wrong” it threatens good taste everywhere. I volunteer this sacrifice so that you don’t have to. Please take the following information as a prophylaxis, i.e., don’t expose yourself directly to this virulent idea by visiting the website, especially alone, and most especially, with a valid credit card number either in your wallet or your brain — the consequences are too dire to risk. Please. Notwithstanding, the preceding warning may land in the same way as a father’s injunction for a little boy not to play on the other side of the railroad tracks. If crossing them is such a deadly prospect, what unspoiled wonders must await the bravest and most intrepid adventurers? If you must “go there”, then be an Admiral Byrd, not a Michael Rockefeller. Let me most deliberately and deeply digress…

Mr. Devins’ Concession Speech

The following is a transcription of a Concession Speech for the position of Treasurer of Long Beach, CA as delivered by Mr. Devins (a.k.a. Dr. Dolluzz)

Hey. Yo. Yo.

Listen up, y’all.

Yo, I went into this campaign thinking I could make a change.

I was thinking we needed something different.

A change of perspective that’s retrospective, introspective and outrospective.

Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.

But it didn’t workout like I planned.

Like we hoped.

Letter to the Editor, Dr. Richard Burry, Quick County Coroner (outgoing)

Letter to the Editor, November 2, 2010

Dr. Richard Burry, Quick County Coroner (outgoing)
Office of the Coroner, Quick County, Idaho

Good folk of Quick County,

I am not one to beat a dead horse. I may examine it, even marvel at it. But as life is brief, so shall I be. Tonight we have lost the race for reelection to the office of County Coroner. I am possessed of mixed emotions. It hurts too much to laugh, but I’m too old to cry.

Paper Hearts and Shifting Alliances

Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished colleagues, Nobel laureates, fellow fifth graders. The fight is over. The race is run. The dream is dead. I stand before you this evening with a heavy heart. It was my understanding that my proposed changes to our school met with popular support but it seems I will never be able to grant you the extra fifteen minutes of recess and free Coca-Cola you deserve.

I remember the standing ovation I received when I announced my candidacy for Student Council Association President last week and the thunderous applause upon announcing my major running points. I was emboldened. Fearless. Some might say overly-confident, but there was no doubting the poll numbers showing my 65%/35% projected lead. Which is why I am at a loss to understand how I could lose.

Official Transcript of the Concession Speech

Well folks, it’s been a long hard fight and we’ve been working like dogs.  It’s been a long fight, a fight the good fight.  We’ve fought the good fight, and we came out with our best effort.  We gave it our best, and it seems our best was just not good enough.